I'm in my car. I'm high on decongestants and I'm driving anywhere. I end up in this squalid little dive somewhere in Vegas. Maybe Reno. Maybe Tahoe. I don't know, but there she is. I can't tell if she's human or fifth generation gynemorphic android, and I don't care. She moves closer to me. At this range, the downy hairs that trickle from her navel remind me of the fractal ferns produced by injecting dyed water into an aqueous polymer solution, and I tell her so. She looks into my eyes. "You have the glibness, superficial charm, grandiosity, lack of guilt, shallow feelings, impulsiveness, and lack of realistic long term plans that excite me, right now", she says, moving even closer.

I begin to kiss her but she turns her head away. "Don't good little boys that finish all their vegetables get dessert?", I ask.

"I can't kiss you. We're monozygotic replicates. We share 100% of our genetic material."

I open my shirt, exposing the device I had stuck in the waistband of my black jeans. "How'd you get that thing?", she gasps, ogling the think, fiber-reinforced plastic barrel and OOZI-BIOTECH logo embossed on the magazine which held two cartridges of gelated recombinant DNA.

"I got it for christmas. Do you have any last words before I scramble your chromosomes?", I say, taking aim.

"Yes", she says, "You first."




.

this was not written by me. it's from liquid tv, which is the best thing that was ever on television. god damn i miss the nineties.

seriously. is he eating sticks of chalk in the beginning or what? nightmares for weeks as a kid.

.

my friend brian made a board game. i should be making things. i start shit all the time and never finish. a lot of things lately have been moving. i have a real positive attitude about this. need to schedule more time for the internet. just so yall know, i am still alive.

i've been thinking about it, and i may not go crazy this summer. it's been a yearly tradition, and last year was pretty balls to the walls, and after that, i'm thinking i might just chill out and have a relaxing summer. it's been a while.

been watching movies but i'm not sure they are worth reviewing. maybe when i have some more time. prolly not, tho.

drank a fifth of rum and about a hudred beers this weekend. i had intended to get some work done but instead i had a fucken bender. i keep going back and forth every few weeks between behaving in a somewhat healthy fashion and behaving like this. now i am hungover and woozy. bloorg.

kern wants to have a slumber party at his house this weekend. i think that's funny. i hope my copy of tori spelling vs. cthulhu comes before then.

i hope i can manage to anything even remotely productive this week.

woop woop woop.

hai guise.
i am posting this from my dsi.
it is fucking awesome.
i am watching 'teh toxic avenger part three'.
so far, it is pretty fucking insane.
also, i got home from a party where a lot of my old friends were hanging out just now,
and lunch's car was in the driveway, so i looked for him in teh house, but he was nowhere to be found.
i finaly found him passed out in his driver's seat listening to fallout boy.
i brought him inside and he passed out in the big chair.


i would rather be watching little shop of horrors.

i don't trust my mailbox.



it's the one all the way on the end, and this row of mailboxes is like, a quarter of a mile down the road from my actual house. it's okay for getting bills and crap, but i wouldn't send a package to it. so, when i order something from like, amazon or somewhere, i have them send it to my mom's house. on wednesdays, i go over to my mom's house to watch Lost (because i refuse to pay for television), and so that is when i usually pick up mail if there is any for me there.

last wednesday, i received these, which i am now the proud owner of after a night of drunken internetting:



to my delight, i discovered that the Nuke'em High box came with this fine bumper sticker:




before applying it to my bumper, i decided to clean the bumper off a bit. i went into mom's pantry and discovered a bottle of my favorite cleaning spray, Kaboom. i was so delighted that i told my mom a story about how one time in chicago we decided to do some product testing, and we sprayed half of the coffee table with Kaboom and half with brand x. Kaboom, of course, was far superior. so, i went out, cleaned the bumper, slapped the sticker on, and then came inside and checked my email:



i said, 'wow, no shit, Kaboom just sent me some email.'

my mom then told me that house must be bugged, because the other night she clicked on some ad on the internet, and five minutes later the company that manufactured the product in question called her on the phone.

a few strange coincidences, it seemed. i decided to tell my parents about a strange coincidence that happened to me a few nights previous.

so, you know when you are half awake and you sometimes hear voices, and sometimes you aren't sure if they are real or not? well, this happened to me one night. i woke up at about 3 in the morning, and as i was slowly regaining consciousness, i heard a 'HHRRKK' noise coming from the window, which is right next to my bed. i thought that someone outside was straining to open the window to come inside.

i flew out of bed. i stood in the middle of the room, looking at the window (the shade was down), until i started to calm down. i sat down at the computer and decided to look at the internet for a while and not freak out. i opened youtube, and i actually said to myself, 'now, be careful, sometimes videos on youtube are scary and they don't warn you that they are going to be scary.'

i didn't want to see anything scary, as i was still feeling a little weird about the window. so, i saw that parry gripp had posted some songs, and figured that this would be safe:



well, at 42 seconds my blood fucking froze. talk about bad timing. i did not sleep.

after this story, my mom told be that that very morning she had called 911 because the soap dish fell off of the wall in the shower, and made such a loud noise that she woke up thinking that someone had smashed a window and was coming into the house.

we are all loosing our minds.

so, on anther note, it is spring and shit and it is fucking awesome and i'm driving around with the windows down and shit and i need to get into better shape and skate and play tennis and i figured it was about time for my quarterly lj update. woop. i've been running around videotaping stuff and working on a few projects and being somewhat productive and it feels good. i need to go to the hospital and give them some blood. i need to start taking all of my pills again. i need to run more. i need to go to fucking sleep.

well, i don't think you get to choose your spirit animal, first of all, but i'm also pretty sure that mine's a tanooki.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tanooki

some of my friends have pretty interesting spirit animals, including a bear, a platypus, a swan, a snake, a giraffe, a pair of little girl's panties, and a toaster oven.

i've been told that my spirit pokemon is the slowking, but i'm not too sure about that.

.

i've been told, by likely questionable sources, that demons live in corners, and that they can often be identified by the second mouth located on the back of the neck, under infallibly longer-than-shoulder-length, greasy hair.

it is, actually, just as likely that i made both of those things up.

my thoughts have been dark and my dreams have been about the north, and water, and violence, and hidden passageways and ancient, dusty air hanging in thin beams of yellow light. during the day, my mind turns back to the north, to maine and vermont. to snow and cold and long nights. little pointy houses made with too much glass, little shopping villages clustered at the feet of mountains, stoned locals and pretty little girls wearing scandinavian knit patterns. muddy gas stations a half hour from some temporary home, which apparently are the only alcohol merchants in the county.

Ennui. ups and downs, as always. really, actually, none of this is new. my brain has been behaving in the same way that it has for ten years. today, i am needlessly focusing on the negative.

despite the numerous completely monstrous scenes that i have caused while intoxicated, these days i find myself narrowing my eyes at others, when they become drunk enough to be nothing other than useless and loud. this is a trait that i would rather not evolve, for more reasons than just the blatant hypercritical nature of it.

moving on;

after struggling with sobriety for much of january, last weekend was the kind of intoxicated blowout that often leads to my resumption of sobriety. there were brownies involved, and thick, bizarre health-food-store juices and Herspace Holiday and plenty of those tiny, meaningless awkward moments that take place in the quiet, dark corners of the earth (heart), and which linger despite their meaninglessness. eyes that should focus on the present with an occasional glance towards the foggy future more often than not turn to the foggy and forbidden past.

for work, we've been building a little stage and cutting a hole in a wall and installing a door in a building that smells like darkroom chemicals. it makes me smile. one of my next goals is figguring out how i can get access to a darkroom somewhere. part time skool is not out of the question, but i am so shit-ass broke that it is almost completely comical. i have a broken instinct that constantly tells me that moving to a new city and a completely different situation will solve this feeling of helpless boredom and inspire me to move in a new direction and basically solve all of my prollems.

i have learned through trial and (repeated) error that this is not the case. i've been writing again and that feels good. getting back into drawing a lot isn't going as well, but i'm trying.

i really had no idea that i was going to write an entry like this when i sat down just now.

earlier, i ordered a keg. we haven't had a good violence day kegger in quite some time, so this weekend might be fucking phenomenally awesome or it might be a disaster. either way, after that i'm gonna get right back into the sobriety thing hopefully until irish day (although i may need to have some beers during/ after the Tally Hall show the following friday).

i'm gonna cancel a doctor's appointment tomorrow because i ran out of my blood pressure medicine about a week ago and have been too lethargic/ apathetic/ a fucking lazy asshole to drive to target and get more, and this will make my doctor be condescending. also i have failed to go to the hospital and have several pints of blood removed, and this will also make doctor frowny. i am real shithead of a patient, but believe it or not, in a lot of ways i'm healthier than i have been in at least six or seven years. i did get fatter over the winter though, but that's gonna change. gonna bring the cans back to the store on thursday and use the money for pills.

lost is on tumorrow. that's a plus.

a lot of my equipment is still being weird/ failing. some of it in new and unexpected ways. i still need to set up my new scanner, and get a pair of wireless network adapters.

i's not really sure why i am still typing.



tl;dr - i've been in a weird mood since 1999 but i'm cool with it and on saturday i'm gonna get really drunk so WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

and everyday's the same.